What is feminine healing? What is masculine healing? What are the implications of both in modern society? Health, wellness and medicine have been warped by the patriarchy as much as anything else. With emphasis on privacy, privilege and confidentiality, we find ourselves confronting challenges in isolation. We are driven into the shadows when we hurt. We believe it’s our duty to unburden our friends and family by confiding solely in therapists, doctors and healers. Or worse, with no one at all. We believe we must pay to be heard, seen and loved in our pain and grief. We in turn interpret our suffering as ugly, infectious, harmful, shameful. We learn to hide away and protect others from our dis-ease. We internalize the message that our struggle is unwelcome in the public domain. We believe that we will only be accepted by the world when we present with health, wholeness, attractiveness, pleasantries and positivity. The impact of this is different for men and women. Women are already profoundly objectified and taught to carry themselves through public space in a manner that enjoyable to onlookers. That is why women are so often told to ‘smile’ by men in public. Men are conditioned to be ‘tough’ and ‘suck it up’ and ‘walk it off.’ Men are often discouraged from acknowledging pain at all.

Emotions are literally the MOST IMPORTANT things in existence. In a sense, they are the only experiences that matter. Everything you do and want is because you believe that in the doing or having of it…you will FEEL better. That is all anyone is ever after. We just want to feel good. As often as possible.

The key to constructive confrontation is vulnerability. Let me give you an example. Rather than, “What you’ve asked of me is too much and I can’t help you” try instead “I’m feeling overwhelmed and I can’t help you.” This example is one part using an ‘I’ statement, which means owning your experience; and one part leading with vulnerability. Often the two go hand in hand.

The 50% success rate of marriage in modern day America makes perfect sense to me. As a Licensed Online Therapist and married person, I’ve seen and experienced my fair share of successful and unsuccessful partnerships. Above all, ONE thing has become crystal clear: people pair up because of shared traumas rather than shared interests. And very very few people are aware of this fact. Let me explain…